B-Sides — The Lyrics
A Very Abysmal Christmas
Death and mayhem, Christmas joy and love.
Santa's sleigh is full of toys and blood.
Down your chimney, Santa creeps tonight.
You should know you'll never win the fight.
Christmas comes to town but once a year.
Deck the halls and grab a cup of cheer!
But when nightfall comes and bathes your house in a dusky glow
Prancing paws on your roof spell out your doom!
Christmas time is all about giving.
What about all the things you're getting?
I want a Playstation 3 under my tree!
Maybe the "Alias" box set of DVDs!
Who will save your life on Christmas eve?
Christ, our Savior, will rise up from His grave,
Smite the reindeer and that evil Santa Claus,
Stuff and mount a fat and jolly rack upon the wall.
Pagans dance around their fire tonight,
Folks kneel before their golden calf, all right!
A small group stands at the altar of Baal,
Singing a Santa Claus holiday psalm.
Jesus come down to tell you not to do those things.
He tells you He's the one true God, no matter what you believe.
If you think He's wrong, just look — He came back from the dead,
So forget about Santa Claus when you go to bed.
Palm trees standing up so tall,
Christmas lights wrapped around their stalks.
A shining light appears on Sunset Boulevard.
The Christ child has returned to Earth
To deliver a message of peace in the City of Good.
He has no gold, no frankincense, no myrrh,
Just a message about where Christmas stood.
He tells us in the Book, "Judge not, lest ye be judged,"
But let me tell you this, on Judgment Day, we're fucked!
We'll all stand huddled inside our shopping malls
While a seven-horned goat eats our baby's balls.
What can we do to stop this travesty?
Respect the sanctity of our deities.
Don't trim the trees, don't buy lots of gifts,
Because, you see, that makes our Jesus pissed.
Commercialism is ruining our holidays,
And it seems like things have always been this way.
You can change it if you set fire to your tree.
Take your gifts to a homeless shelter but keep the Nintendo Wii.
Santa Claus no longer owns me,
Coca-Cola makes me belch and have to pee.
I will not worship what they create,
Nor anything the pagans think is great!
Christmas comes to town but once a year.
Deck the halls and grab a cup of cheer!
But when nightfall comes and bathes your house in a dusky glow
Prancing paws on your roof spell out your doom!
O come, let us adore Him!
O come, let us adore Him!
O come, let us adore Him!
Christ, THE LORD!
O come, let us adore Him!
O come, let us adore Him!
O come, let us adore Him!
Christ, THE LORD!