Abysmal Crucifix Discography

Click on each album cover for a larger image.

All albums released by Kelleystein Recordings, a Los Angeles-based independent label owned by Girth McDürchstein.

1995 — Star Sex

All songs written by Girth McDürchstein except * written by Girth McDürchstein and Robin Kelley.
Produced by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer. Mixed by Carlos Ueberschaer.
Recorded and mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Song List

  1. Phone Sex (featuring the voice of DJ Koko)*
  2. Navel Sex
  3. In the Backseat of a Jeep
  4. Sexual Enforcer*
  5. The Balls' in Your Court*
  6. Truth or Dare (with Grandma)
  7. The Cocksuckin' Man Theme*
  8. Drop Your Pants and Kick 'Em to Me*
  9. Star Sex*
  10. Shitfest (for the Love and the Glory)*

1996 — Two Berries on a Twig

All songs written by Girth McDürchstein.
Produced by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer except * produced by DJ Koko and ** produced by DJ Koko, Carlos Ueberschaer, and Girth McDürchstein. Mixed by Carlos Ueberschaer.
Recorded and mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Song List
  1. Kingdom Cum
  2. Fuck Your Little Mama
  3. Thunderbird
  4. 2 Kewl 4 Ur Pecker! (featuring DJ Koko)*
  5. Paz, Hombre
  6. Maize — You Call It Corn
  7. Transexual Relationship Highway
  8. Sex, Lies, and Pump-Action Ejaculating Dildos
  9. Two Berries on a Twig
  10. It Won't Fit
  11. Howling on a Friday Night
  12. Shitfest (DJ Koko remix)**

1996 — 'Thunderbird' Single

All songs written by Girth McDürchstein except * written by Girth McDürchstein and Robin Kelley.
Produced by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer. Mixed by Carlos Ueberschaer.
Recorded and mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Song List
  1. Thunderbird
  2. Sex, Lies, and Pump-Action Ejaculating Dildos
  3. Sexual Enforcer*

1998 — Delightlah!

All songs written by Girth McDürchstein.
Produced by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer. Mixed by Carlos Ueberschaer.
Recorded and mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Song List
  1. Radioactive Penis
  2. Rolling in It
  3. Put It Where It Doesn't Belong
  4. Bay-Ooh-Tay-Tay
  5. Masturbating (with Dad)
  6. I'm Cumming, Mom!
  7. Pheremonal Discharge in Your Pants
  8. Sax on the Beach
  9. The Chinese Black Man
  10. Alcohol Night
  11. Self-Medication
  12. Mint, Cherry, and Rainbow Stuck in a Condom
  13. Big Dick in Little China

1998 — 'Rolling in It' Single

All songs written by Girth McDürchstein.
Produced by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer. Mixed by Carlos Ueberschaer.
Recorded and mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Song List
  1. Rolling in It
  2. Big Dick in Little China
  3. Gangster Lovestick (previously unreleased)
  4. Rolling in It (Live at the Whisky-a-Go-Go 6/23/98)

1999 — 'Bay-Ooh-Tay-Tay' Single

All songs written by Girth McDürchstein.
Produced and mixed by Girth McDürchstein and DJ Koko.
*Produced by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer. Mixed by Carlos Ueberschaer.
Recorded and mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Song List
  1. Bay-Ooh-Tay-Tay (DJ Koko remix)
  2. Bay-Ooh-Tay-Tay (original album version)*
  3. Bay-Ooh-Tay-Tay (alternate lyrics)

2000 — Two Berries on a Twig Reissue

All songs written by Girth McDürchstein.
Produced by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer except * produced by DJ Koko and ** produced by DJ Koko, Carlos Ueberschaer, and Girth McDürchstein. Mixed by Carlos Ueberschaer.
Recorded and mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Song List
  1. Kingdom Cum
  2. Fuck Your Little Mama
  3. Thunderbird
  4. 2 Kewl 4 Ur Pecker! (featuring DJ Koko)*
  5. Train in Tunnel (previously unreleased)
  6. Paz Hombre
  7. Maize — You Call It Corn
  8. Transexual Relationship Highway
  9. Tongue Quest (previously unreleased)
  10. Sex, Lies, and Pump-Action Ejaculating Dildos
  11. Two Berries on a Twig
  12. It Won't Fit
  13. Howling on a Friday Night
  14. Melrose Sickie Kicks (previously unreleased)
  15. Shitfest (DJ Koko remix)**

2000 — The 'You Can Touch It for a Quarter' Sessions

All songs written by Girth McDürchstein.
Produced and mixed by Tommy Janofsky.
Recorded at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038
Mixed at the Sound Hole, 12210½ Nebraska Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90025

Note: This album consists solely of rough mixes, premasters, and backing tracks stolen by former Abysmal Crucifix drummer Tommy Janofsky. Its release is unauthorized, but we make mention of it on this site so you are aware that it does, in fact, exist, but it is not an "official" release. One of the keys to identifying this, and other bootlegs of our material should they arise, is the poorly rendered version of Kelleystein Recordings' corporate logo.

Song List
  1. You Can Touch It for 25¢
  2. Having Sex with Aliens
  3. Do Whom You Want to Do
  4. The Quad-Sexual Man
  5. Pecker Out the Window
  6. The Breeze on My Cock
  7. Ah! a Sweet-Tasting Manwad
  8. Man Is It Sweaty!
  9. Stop Squeezing
  10. What's That White Stuff?
  11. Sexual Anguish

Note: Both U.S. and Japanese releases of The Hedge refer to the 2006 remaster edition. 2002 — Girth McDürchstein's 'The Hedge' I
[U.S. release]

All songs written by Girth McDürchstein.
Produced by Girth McDürchstein. Mixed by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer.
Recorded at Tremorden Castle in Penzance, Cornwall
Mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Song List
  1. Rhapsody in Gregor Samsa (Overture)
  2. Bad Parenting
  3. 1985
  4. Video Game Violence
  5. Father's Day
  6. Afraid of Suburbia
  7. Dysfunctional Lullabye
  8. Hedge Maze of Life
  9. Girls Never Pay Attention
  10. Losing It (My Mind)
  11. Descent (The Final Shrub)
  12. Kiss Reality Goodbye

2002 — Girth McDürchstein's 'The Hedge' II
[U.S. release]

All songs written by Girth McDürchstein.
Produced by Girth McDürchstein. Mixed by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer.
Recorded at Tremorden Castle in Penzance, Cornwall
Mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Song List
  1. Entr'Acte
  2. Somebody
  3. College Girls
  4. Let Me Go
  5. Meeting the One
  6. A Star
  7. The Love Song of Gregor Samsa
  8. Leaving Her
  9. In the Motel
  10. Help!
  11. Guilt Trip
  12. The End of the Maze

2002 — Girth McDürchstein's 'The Hedge' I
[Japanese release]

All songs written by Girth McDürchstein.
Produced by Girth McDürchstein. Mixed by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer except * mixed by Girth McDürchstein and DJ Koko.
Recorded at Tremorden Castle in Penzance, Cornwall
Mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Song List
  1. Rhapsody in Gregor Samsa (Overture)
  2. Bad Parenting
  3. 1985
  4. Video Game Violence
  5. Father's Day
  6. Afraid of Suburbia
  7. Dysfunctional Lullabye
  8. Hedge Maze of Life
  9. Girls Never Pay Attention
  10. Skullfucking Infants Estampie [edited version]*
  11. Losing It (My Mind)
  12. Descent (The Final Shrub)
  13. Kiss Reality Goodbye

2002 — Girth McDürchstein's 'The Hedge' II
[Japanese release]

All songs written by Girth McDürchstein.
Produced by Girth McDürchstein. Mixed by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer.
Recorded at Tremorden Castle in Penzance, Cornwall
Mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Song List
  1. Entr'Acte
  2. Somebody
  3. College Girls
  4. Let Me Go
  5. Hooker Madness
  6. Meeting the One
  7. A Star
  8. The Love Song of Gregor Samsa
  9. Leaving Her
  10. In the Motel
  11. Help!
  12. Guilt Trip
  13. The End of the Maze

Unreleased (intended for 2006) — Girth McDürchstein's 'The Return'

All songs written by Girth McDürchstein.
Produced by Girth McDürchstein. Mixed by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer.
Recorded at Wilton Recording Offices, 3223 N. Western Ave., Chicago, IL 60618
Mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Proposed Track Order
  1. The Return
  2. Cedar Point Mornings
  3. Song for Kelly
  4. Charley Varrick, My Friend
  5. Mother
  6. Dinner Out
  7. ...of Margaret
  8. Bad, Bad Day
  9. Willie's Swan Song
  10. Mom & Charlie
  11. Wedding Day
  12. Love Is...
  13. ...Leaving this Town

2006 — 'A Very Abysmal Christmas' Single

Written by Girth McDürchstein.
Produced by Girth McDürchstein. Mixed by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer.
Recorded and mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Song List
  1. A Very Abysmal Christmas

2006 — 'Gangster Lovestick' Single

Written by Girth McDürchstein.
Produced by Girth McDürchstein. Mixed by Girth McDürchstein and Carlos Ueberschaer.
Recorded and mixed at The Paint Shaker, 777 North Highland Ave., Hollywood, CA 90038

Song List
  1. Gangster Lovestick (Original 1998 Version)
  2. Gangster Lovestick (Heavy Metal Remix)