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August 7, 2007

PRESS RELEASE: Girth McDürchstein Arrested!

Written by Lacey Greenwood on August 7, 2007 7:11 PM
Permalink |  Band News Press Releases Splitcock Tour -- Europe & Japan '07  | Digg It

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Lacey’s Relations
1142 Wilshire Blvd.
Suite 600
Los Angeles, CA 90017

McDÜRCHSTEIN UNFAIRLY ARRESTED AS LEADER OF “CRIMINAL SYNDICATE”

GRENOBLE, FRANCE, August 7th — Legendary rocker Girth McDürchstein has been arrested as part of a joint effort between Europol and French police officials, Reuters reports. In a largely fictitious press release, authorities in Grenoble suggest a “stormcloud of criminal activity” that “follows McDürchstein all along the tour of Scandinavia with his ‘band,’ whose music should be criminalized.” Also included in that press release is a list of charges McDürchstein faces:

Murder - 1 count
Assault with a deadly weapon - 11 counts
Financing a terrorist organization - 1 count
Attempted murder - 1 count
Accessory after the fact (to car theft ring in Oslo) - 1 count
Consorting with criminals - 1 count
Solicitation - 1 count
Breaking in entering - 1 count
Fraud - 2 counts
Following the Church of Rafelman (illegal in Sweden and Norway) - 2 counts
Loss of identity (illegal in Sweden since 1966) - 1 count
International mail fraud - 5 counts
Indecent exposure - 5 counts
Filing nuisance lawsuit - 1 count

Longtime Abysmal fans understand this is not the first time McDürchstein has been railroaded. Abysmal attorney Harcourt Abimelech Feinstein, Esq., has already filed a motion to drop all charges. It has gone largely ignored, a result of Mr. Feinstein’s not being licensed to practice outside the State of California. McDürchstein is being held in Grenoble. No bail has been set. Other Abysmal Crucifix members have been asked to remain in the country, possibly to be held as material witnesses or arrested for their own false charges.

Speaking through his attorney, Mr. McDürchstein commented, “You gotta get me outta here! I’m begging you! These Frenchies—they like to…do things, and they’ve all heard “Bay-Ooh-Tay-Tay!”

UPDATE: Europol has provided McDürchstein’s mugshots to the press.

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Press Contact:
Lacey Greenwood
818.655.5000
laceygstring@girthmcdurchstein.com