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August 19, 2007

Tour Blog: Last Night — We Made You Cum!

Written by Girth McDürchstein on August 19, 2007 4:22 PM
 |  Splitcock Tour -- Europe & Japan '07  | Digg It

After the disappointment of last night’s show, which ended after two song-halves, I was really hoping the second night—the final night of our long tour—would end well. To my surprise, I got my wish.

We took the stage after opening act Hillside Strangers (that’s not a misprint), who are surprising Abysmal Crucificionados. We talked to them for hours backstage and discovered, with mild horror, that they practically know more about us than we do. I know they have those groupie sites where skanky women report all the details, so I guess by this time it’s common knowledge, but nobody should know what they knew. Nobody. Anyway, they played a really tight, 30-minute set that even included an impressive cover of “Howling on a Friday Night.”

When we took the stage, I shouted into the mic, “Are you guys ready for some shit to go down?!” This was partly to rally the crowd, who shrieked with approval and applause, but it was also a code for the rest of the band—it meant, we’re going all-out, from beginning to end. This set would be like the birthday party in Tokyo on crack. We played every single song in the Abysmal canon, in album order, pausing briefly every few songs to perform covers by our favorite artists, fly into lengthy jam sessions, and enjoy our usual on-stage antics. The Osaka audience were very amenable to what we do. Many of the women we brought onstage kept shouting something that sounded like “kehari jempa.” I don’t know if I got that right, but Akira Godard, the stage-name of Hillside Strangers’ lead singer, told me it translates literally to “liquid god,” but more accurately to “interstellar cum-god.” I’ll say!

Set list:

  1. Phone Sex
  2. Navel Sex
  3. In the Backseat of a Jeep
  4. Sexual Enforcer
  5. Smart Girls [Brian Wilson cover]
  6. The Balls in Your Court
  7. Truth or Dare (with Grandma)
  8. The Cocksuckin’ Man Theme
  9. Drop Your Pants and Kick ‘Em to Me
  10. Sweet Child o’ Mine [Guns N’ Roses cover]
  11. Star Sex
  12. Jam Session 1 (Girth & Riffs “dueling guitars”)
  13. Kingdom Cum
  14. Fuck Your Little Mama
  15. Train in Tunnel
  16. Thunderbird
  17. Take to the Sky [Tori Amos cover]
  18. 2 Kewl 4 Ur Pecker
  19. ¡Paz, Hombre!
  20. Melrose Sickie Kicks
  21. Emmanuel Lewis Twister [Hillside Strangers cover]
  22. Maize — You Call It Corn
  23. Transexual Relationship Highway
  24. Sex, Lies and Pump-Action Ejaculating Dildos
  25. Tongue Quest
  26. Like a Virgin [Madonna cover]
  27. Two Berries on a Twig
  28. Mama Kin [Guns N’ Roses cover]
  29. It Won’t Fit
  30. Howling on a Friday Night
  31. Shitfest (a rare combination containing the length of the original but the phat techno beatz of the remix)
  32. Like a Rolling Stone [Bob Dylan cover]
  33. Radioactive Penis
  34. Rolling in It
  35. Put It Where It Doesn’t Belong
  36. Bay-Ooh-Tay-Tay (Original Lyrics)
  37. Masturbating (with Dad)
  38. I’m Cumming, Mom!
  39. Pheremonal Discharge in Your Pants
  40. Sax on the Beach
  41. The Chinese Black Man
  42. Alcohol Night
  43. Self-Medication
  44. Mint, Cherry, and Rainbow Stuck in a Condom
  45. Big Dick in Little China
  46. You Shook Me All Night Long [AC/DC cover]
  47. Comfort of the Devil [Dogs D’Amour cover]
  48. Gangster Lovestick (hip-hop version)
  49. Bay-Ooh-Tay-Tay (Alternate Lyrics)
  50. You Can Touch It for 25¢
  51. Having Sex with Aliens
  52. When the Sour Turns to Sweet [Genesis cover]
  53. Do Whom You Want to Do
  54. The Quad-Sexual Man
  55. Pecker Out the Window
  56. Hand of Doom [Black Sabbath cover]
  57. The Breeze on My Cock (Take Me Away…)
  58. Ah! a Sweet-Tasting Manwad
  59. Man Is It Sweaty!
  60. Thunder Road [Bruce Springsteen] cover
  61. Stop Squeezing
  62. What’s That White Stuff?
  63. Sexual Anguish
  64. Estranged [Guns N’ Roses cover]
  65. Street Cock
  66. Bay-Ooh-Tay-Tay (techno remix)
  67. Gangster Lovestick (metal version)
  68. Regulate [Warren G cover]
  69. Dre Day [Dr. Dre cover]
  70. Rhapsody in Gregor Samsa
  71. Bad Parenting
  72. 1985
  73. Video Game Violence
  74. Father’s Day
  75. Afraid of Suburbia
  76. Dysfunctional Lullabye
  77. The Hedge Maze of Life
  78. Girls Never Pay Attention
  79. Skullfucking Infants Estampie
  80. Losing It (My Mind)
  81. Descent (The Final Shrub)
  82. Kiss Reality Goodbye
  83. Entr’acte
  84. Somebody
  85. College Girls
  86. Let Me Go
  87. Hooker Madness
  88. Meeting the One
  89. A Star
  90. The Love Song of Gregor Samsa
  91. Leaving Her
  92. In the Motel
  93. Help!
  94. Guilt Trip
  95. The End of the Maze
  96. Dr. Feelgood [Mötley Crüe cover]
  97. Sweet Lilacs [Frenchy Wray cover]
  98. ‘The Return’ Chapter 1
  99. ‘The Return’ Chapter 2
  100. ‘The Return’ Chapter 3
  101. ‘The Return’ Chapter 4
  102. ‘The Return’ Chapter 5
  103. ‘The Return’ Chapter 6
  104. ‘The Return’ Chapter 7
  105. Put It Where It Doesn’t Belong (acoustic)
  106. ‘The Return’ Chapter 8
  107. ‘The Return’ Chapter 9
  108. ‘The Return’ Chapter 10
  109. ‘The Return’ Chapter 11
  110. The Love Song of Gregor Samsa (acoustic)
  111. ‘The Return’ Chapter 12
  112. ‘The Return’ Chapter 13
  113. A Very Absymal Christmas
  114. Encore: Smith & Wesson Go to College
  115. Encore: The Unlikely Ballad of Charlie Whores
  116. Encore: Good Vibrations [Beach Boys cover] (Girth solo)
  117. Encore: Nebraska [Bruce Springsteen cover] (Girth solo)
  118. Encore: The Way It Works [Redstain Attack! cover] (Girth solo)
Some special notes:
  • This is the first time ever that we have performed Girth McDürchstein’s ‘The Return’ for audiences!
  • Similarly, this is the first time songs from The ‘You Can Touch It for a Quarter’ Sessions have been played as they would have been intended on that incomplete masterpiece—with lyrics and full-band arrangements!
  • The good folks at Mushi Macfarlane took the time to record this live show for a potential live CD (or double-CD!!!) in the future! We’ll keep you posted on all the details!
We’re going back home to L.A. this afternoon. Much as I loved playing for that great crowd in Osaka, I’m looking forward to getting back home. We’re trying, without much success, to book a U.S. tour. We’ll keep you posted on that.

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