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August 15, 2007

Tour Blog: Stirrup Nation

Written by Girth McDürchstein on August 15, 2007 2:22 PM
Permalink |  Splitcock Tour -- Europe & Japan '07  | Digg It

I’d be lying if I said the Stirrup Nation gig didn’t disappoint us. It never occurred to me that it’d be a tiny, smoke-filled strip club. Maybe I should have seen it coming, but you know how Japan is—they just arbitrarily string English words together with no rhyme or reason, in much the same way that confused art students have Japanese-character tattoos of things they think mean “Poet of the Sea” or “I ♥ Marijuana” or “I will die penniless and soaked in gin,” when in actuality they mean things like “I enjoy the flesh of small children” or “Reinstate the Draft!”

Normally a strip club wouldn’t bother me, but I felt we were lied to—when we booked this gig, the promoter assured us it was an arena that would seat 50,000. Barely 100 people crammed into the tiny room, and before long many of them were distracted by the strippers. In fact, for much of the show we were distracted by the strippers. They do quite a few things differently in Japan than they do in the States, and strip clubs rate among them. I’m sure you don’t want the details without photographic evidence, and unfortunately none of us thought to bring cameras, but let me put it this way: they don’t call it “Stirrup Nation” for nothing. I’m pretty sure I saw at least two colons—as immaculate as the rest of their bodies, I must admit.

Despite our popularity, the only interest generated in our performance came from Margo’s quick thinking—about half an hour into the set, she started a striptease of her own. Inexperienced as an actual stripper or dancer, her arrhythmic gyrating and strangely unerotic attempts at pole-dancing would have instantly turned off any red-blooded American. Fortunately, we were in Japan, where American women are as exotic to Japanese men as the $15 prostitutes you find on any given street corner in a Japanese city are to us. As they pounded down warm rice wine, they stuffed ¥1000 bills into areas I hesitate to mention.

After the show, a few people—mostly the strippers—stuck around for autographs and merch sales. We used Margo’s “tips” to pay for a motel on the edge of town. We’ll be in Osaka in a few days, and I for one look forward to it. I Googled it—it’s a real place that hasn’t been destroyed and is a real arena, so I can’t wait for our two nights of magic. Any Japanese fans interested should check it out, come hell or high water.