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September 22, 2007

So Long, Jason!

Well, it’s that time of year again. Our intern, our friend, Jason Fields, must return to college. For his services, he’s received four hours of course credit and more experience than anyone in his position could hope for, especially since he handled many of our tour preparations from afar.

The most emotional moment of my year—more amazing than playing a show that will go down in the annals of Abysmal Crucifix as our greatest, yet sadder than having to face the death of somebody I love. Still, I found myself confused as I looked over the exit questionnaire Jason’s school required him to fill out. Read it:

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I am pretty amazed that Jason Fields has the gall to give his experience such a mediocre review. “They could have been nicer and paid me more”?! Fuck you, Jason Fields! We paid you with something more valuable than what The Man™ calls money—you got experience, so much more than you get inside The Man™’s institution (college). I’m so sorry you didn’t like driving an oiled and nearly nude Riffs from Sex Cauldron and developed an unrequited crush on my wife. It hurts me deep inside that you spent a summer catering to the whims of a man “whose colossal ego has been known to destroy worlds.” What does that even mean?

Suck me, Jason Fields. Suck me hard, you fucking ingrate!

Written by Girth McDürchstein on September 22, 2007 10:42 PM
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