October 14, 2007
The New Van
This afternoon, I pulled up to the apartment in the new minivan, which I had parked at the Paint Shaker yesterday to keep it a surprise. Margo happened to be out on the sidewalk, tossing the cats’ litter box into the gutter, and she looked immediately horrified.
“What the fuck, Girth?” she roared when I got out.
“We need a safer car now that Renal—”
“The hearse was perfectly safe.”
“They use it to transport dead people. How safe can it be?!”
“It was your dream car.”
“Renal’s my new dream,” I said.
“You’re disgusting—”
“Not like that!”
“How much did this piece of shit cost?” Margo demanded.
“Only $60,000.”
Margo’s eyes widened and exploded with rage.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “It’s charity money.”
“That’s supposed to be our money,” Margo growled.
“Yeah, and I’m using it for us. For our future.”
“I hate to say this, Girth, but I don’t think Renal Rojas is our future.”
“Get off that shit, Margo. She’s my daughter. Deal with it.”
Margo sighed and hugged me, holding the litter box behind my back. “She seems too stupid to be your daughter. She doesn’t even know who Ambrose Powell Hill is.”
“It’s her mother’s fault,” I suggested. “She’ll learn. Where is she now?”
“Club Fuel.”
“Isn’t that a gay bar?”
“It’s full of dudes in G-strings. Who cares?”
“Fair enough. So, are you okay with the minivan?”
“I guess I have to be,” Margo said. “I guess as long as I still have my Caddy—I just think it sucks to give up your dream car.”
“We all have to make sacrifices for the people we love.”
“You never did for me.”
“We’re married, aren’t we?”
“Right…”
We kissed and went upstairs. We were finished by the time Renal got home. “Hey Dad, who parked that dorky van in your spot?”
“I did,” I said. “It’s ours. Do you like it?”
“I liked the hearse better. You’re gonna look like a homo driving around in that thing.”
“Sometimes you have to look like a homo to protect the people you love,” I said.
“So that’s why Riffs was dancing at Club Fuel?”
“Probably.”
Written by Girth McDürchstein on October 14, 2007 8:11 PM
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