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December 21, 2007

Songwriting Struggles

Written by Girth McDürchstein on December 21, 2007 11:04 AM
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Do you know how difficult it is to write a song about condoms? Nothing rhymes with “condom.” The closest I could come (in more ways than one) is “fondle,” but I don’t think I’m allowed to write any songs about fondling anymore.

Birth-control pills are easier to rhyme, but I’m still having trouble. “Kill,” “ill,” “fill”—none of those are appropriate rhymes for a pro-Pill song.

Update: Okay, I got some lyrics down about a Dutch girl with pigtails who works at a windmill and wants to have sex with the windmill owner so she can have his child and then blackmail him to save her family’s failing farm. To her dismay, the owner insists she goes on The Pill. This may be the greatest dramatic conflict in the history of Abysmal lyrics, but I can’t figure out a good guitar hook for it.