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January 27, 2008

Testimony Before the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science, and Transportation

Written by Girth McDürchstein on January 27, 2008 2:23 PM
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I had to go to Washington, D.C., to testify before Congress regarding some of the unflattering and libelous things being written about my charity.

Read the full testimony by clicking here. A brief excerpt follows:

   MATTHEW PHILLIPS. My name is Girth McDürchstein. This is my attorney, Harcourt Abimelech Feinstein.
   The statement that I prepared, that I sent you 100 copies of, is five pages long, so I have shortened it down and am going to read a condensed version of it.
   Certain things have—I’ve listened from outside the hall and I have to ask, why am I here? Have I committed a crime of any kind? If so, shouldn’t I be charged by authorities and—
   Chairman CARTER. I think you had better concentrate on your testimony, rather than asking questions.
   MATTHEW PHILLIPS. But—
   Chairman CARTER. Nobody answer his questions. Nobody answer his questions!
   MATTHEW PHILLIPS. OK, thank you.

I’m posting this transcript so I can show everyone how the Senate has railroaded me and Sweet Treasures. That charity will cease to be, but I hope the help we’ve provided to the youth of Los Angeles will live on in their hearts for years to come.

On an unrelated note, I somehow managed to spend the remaining $800,000 of charity funds three days before I was subpoenaed. I have non-fraudulent receipts and statements backing this up. Tax that, motherfuckers!