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July 21, 2008

For the Record

Written by Girth McDürchstein on July 21, 2008 3:57 PM
Permalink |  Colby & Perdida Mildew Recording Artists  | Digg It

“Jesus Christ,” I griped, “I just want to write some fucking songs together, as a team.”

“Well, who’s stopping you?” Margo growled.

“You are!” I roared.

“Fuck you, Girth!” she shouted.

The boys’ eyes shifted back and forth, as if watching a tennis match. In the booth, Carlos Ueberschaer looked bored as fuck. I hated doing this in front of them, but what the fuck could I do? Margo decided to show up to help us write. It’s not my fault she can’t stop from being a fucking bitch. Well, okay, it actually is my fault, but I like to keep my private life separate from my work.

“Calm down,” I said softly. “Let’s just quietly work on the next song. Where did we leave off, Riffs?”

Riffs checked his notes. He looked up uneasily and said, “I don’t think we should work on anything new. We should just go over the stuff we’ve written and figure out strengths and weaknesses, you know…”

“Nonsense,” I said. “I’d rather get the whole album done, then time it out and maybe play it live to see what works and what doesn’t. So where are we?”

With a heavy sigh, Riffs said, “‘Lusty Bot,’ in which LIN-9660 discovers Kalos fucking Chery and is so overcome with jealousy, he reports her to the Robot Overlords at GlobalSyn.”

I looked to Margo, who sat in silence, quivering with rage. Smiling weakly, I said, “This is a perfect time to get the emotionality right.”

She leaped to her feet, lunging at my awesome new Kustom amp. Shrieking, Margo plowed her fist right through the fiberglass cabinet case. Billowing smoke followed a thick electronic burp, but it didn’t seem to affect Margo. She stood up, looked mournfully at her bleeding fist, and stamped out of the studio.

“That could have gone better,” Carl observed.

Ignoring him, I stepped into the dark hallway and called after Margo, staring at her shapely ass as she sashayed away. “We could really use your feminist perspective on this…”

Not turning around, she riposted with, “Why don’t you call Perdida fucking Cheyenne for your fucking feminist perspective?”

What the hell do you say to that?