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Recording Girth McDürchstein's 'The Return' Archives

December 17, 2005

WE”RE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAY CATS, LITTLE RIFFS HERE AND I GOTTA SAY, ITS FUCKIN AWEESOME TGO BE BACK FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!

FOR AWHILE THE FUCKIN BAND WAS KINDA DEAD CUZ GIRTH, WHO WRTIES ALL THE SONGS WAS AWAY. BUT NOW WE GOT IT GOIN FUCKIN ON. HE’S STILL NOT AROUND, BUT WE’RE ALL KINDSA GONE CUZ OF THE HOLIDAYS, SO IT’S KEWL BUT HE SENT THIS EMAIL THAT SAYS, “HERE’S SOME NEW SONGS SO FUCKIN LEARN EM AND WE’LL MEET UP SOON.”

I GUESS OUR HOME BASE IS CHICAGO NOW, WHICH IS NEWS TO ME. WE USED TO BE AN L.A. BAND BUT GIRTH HAS A PAD BIG ENOUGH FOR US TO CRASH IN. I DUNNO WHY CHICAGO, BUT HAY MAN I GO WHERE THE SONGS ARE.

MAYBE SOMEBODY ELSE WILL UPDATE BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS.

OKAY, G2G, PEACE FOR NOW.

LITTLE RIFFS NICKY ^_^

Written by LITTLE RIFFS NICKY on December 17, 2005 9:21 PM
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December 18, 2005

Beethoven (1770-1827)

Study Concludes Beethoven Died of Lead Poisoning [washingtonpost.com, free registration requred]

I had never been interested in playing the piano — or, for that matter, any musical instrument — until the life-changing day I first heard the Emperor concerto (Piano concerto No. 5, E-flat Major, Op. 73). I had just turned eight years old, and from that day forward, I wanted to be a pianist. Never before had I heard such frenzied passion expressed partly by orchestration, but mainly by complex, resonant piano lines that flow into and out of the concerto in a way no other composer had in the history of time — including Beethoven, who built toward this in his four previous piano concerti but never surpassed it. In fact, he never even tried; the Emperor was his final piano concerto. But even in his other works, concerti, sonatas, symphonies, Beethoven never matched the power, beauty, and simplicity of the Emperor.

It came as quite a shock to me when I discovered, five years after my discovery of Beethoven and the piano, at the tender age of 13, that it was widely rumored that Beethoven had been syphilitic and had died a slow, tortured death of that horrible (trust me!) disease combined with mercury poisoning. Could my hero, at whose piano-shaped altar I worshiped on a daily basis, have died in such an undignified way?

Well, the folks at the Argonne National Lab have finally answered that question with a resounding “no,” and I, for one, couldn’t be happier. For the past 20 years, my enjoyment of Beethoven’s music has been tainted by the acrid scent of chancres and penicillin, but now, that taint has dissipated once and for all. Rather than mercury poisoning, the Washington Post and energy department researchers have discovered the true source of his death was a mysterious lead posioning.

Still a mystery, however, is the source of Beethoven’s lead exposure, which evidence now suggests occurred over many years. Among the possibilities are his liberal indulgence in wine consumed from lead cups or perhaps a lifetime of medical treatments, which in the 19th century were often laced with heavy metals.
A mystery, eh? Sure, it may have been his wine consumption, it may have been his medical issues, but here’s my speculation, and I’m undoubtedly correct as I am quite the Beethoven history buff: Beethoven was perhaps the world’s second drag queen (the first was, of course, French diplomat-spy and swordsman Charles-Genevií¨ve-Louis-Auguste-André-Thimothée d’Eon de Beaumont (1728-1810), who began dressing in women’s clothes as early as 1739).

You see, in that time period, a majority of feminine makeup products were lead-based. Sure, they also used lead-based powder for male wigs, but when have you seen Beethoven in a powdered wig? With that hair? No way!

So Beethoven joins the ranks of other notable cross-dressers: Chevalier d’Eon, Regent Prince George IV (1762-1830), historical novelist Sir Walter Scott (1771-1832), President Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865), FBI director J. Edgar Hoover (1895-1972), film director Ed Wood (1924-1978), and legendary playwright Arthur Miller (1915-2005). I’m proud to add Beethoven to this esteemed group of fine, fine, fine men.

And this news — the lead-poisoning death and the cross-dressing — is the best Christmas news I could receive. I hope you all have a merry Christmas, too.

Jam Malone

Written by Jam Malone on December 18, 2005 7:07 AM
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December 21, 2005

Top 10 Albums of the Year

Hey, motherfuckers, Girth and Margo here with your early Christmas present. We’ve compiled a list of the 10 best albums of this year:

  1. Rhapsody – Symphony of Enchanted Lands II: The Dark Secret (Steamhammer/SPV) — We really didn’t think Rhapsody would surpass the explosive imagination and power of their 1999 release, Symphony of Enchanted Lands. But with this, a sequel to that album, they have managed a triumph of—pardon the pun—epic proportions. Not only have they expanded the fantastical universe they created, they’ve expanded the scope of the entire story by adding guest narrator Christopher Lee, legend of stage and screen, and by incorporating a full chorus and orchestra. It really, really doesn’t get better than this, folks.
  2. Down Factor – Murder the World (Scourge) — Down Factor’s first album Pure (2003), was a mixed bag of hardcore and power-punk-pop confections. This time, they come out of the gate swinging with a hard, aggressive, but still very melodic and poetic group of songs. Down Factor is here to stay.
  3. Scissorfight – Victory Over Horseshit (Tortuga) — Yes, we have to wait until February for Jaggernaut, but here we get a little bone thrown at us. It’s been nearly two years since the last Scissorfight release, and fans have been waiting for something new. They tossed us the first bone by throwing a live CD up near the beginning of this year, but that only made us hungrier for more. Now we have it, and all five tracks of this album pulse and pound with the fury that made Scissorfight famous. We can’t wait for February!
  4. Bloodlined Calligraphy – They Want You Silent (Facedown) — But we sure don’t! Led by new singer (replacing Matt Fleming) Ally French, this album boasts incredible lyrics, a growling grrrl, and very catchy riffs.
  5. The Conquistadors – Razing Cain (Mildew) — The Conquistadors and Abysmal actually go way back. In 1997, we did a brief west coast tour with them. They had just put out their second album, Fogged In, and we were still pushing our second, Two Berries on a Twig. Now, we’re working on our fifth official album, and the Conquistadors are on to their eighth. The energy and vitality have not dissipated from this group at all. Lead singer Johnny Vicente still howls with the best of them, and lead guitarist Sammy Shapiro still wails with the best of them. Best track is “Birmingham Bloodbath.”
  6. Acid Bath – Demos 1993-1996 (Rotten) — After a nine-year hiatus, Acid Bath’s demos have surfaced. It’s interesting to hear primitive versions of the songs we all know (“Dope Fiend,” “God Machine,” etc.), but what makes it even better is the fact that we’re getting any material from Acid Bath, even if it’s not really “new.”
  7. Diesel Theory – Diesel Theory (Full Scale Fire) — The debut album from these Jersey hepcats is a 1-2 punch of furious, paranoid lyrics and shredding riffs. They’re gonna go far.
  8. Commander – Wall of Swords (unknown) — This EP is loaded with two minute and thirty second gems.
  9. Seventh Star – Brood of Vipers (Facedown) — This album has some of the most interesting lyrics we’ve ever heard. “Regurgitate jargon, the backwash of the kids before / No substance, empty words, and content with nothing more” (“The Torch”) – very relatable.
  10. Haste the Day – When Everything Falls (Solid State) — They have some thoughtful, harmony-laden choruses, but we can’t understand what the hell the lead singer is saying during the verses. This album should have been higher on the list, thanks in no small part to its ringing guitar riffs, but the lyrics are an important part of the package.
So there you have it. Have yourself a Christmas miracle by picking up any of these albums.

Have a good one,
Girth McDürchstein & Margo Atwater

Written by Girth McDürchstein on December 21, 2005 3:58 PM
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One More Thing…

I forgot to mention, to all these assholes who keep emailing me about the band leaving L.A.—sorry, buds, we gotta do what’s right for the band. We’re spending a nice winter here in Chicago (we’d stay in Cali, but they don’t get much winter weather, remember?) so I can get back in touch with my Midwestern roots and write a nice, reflective album with a dash of bitter cold.

And this was a group decision, no matter what you may hear from Mikey.

We’ll be back in L.A. when the album’s done, okay? Until then, chill.

—Girth

Written by Girth McDürchstein on December 21, 2005 5:03 PM
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December 23, 2005

Enchanted Evening

On Wednesday, much to my surprise, I received a phone call at my home. “Girth,” the caller said with great urgency, “we at the Cabana Club wondered if you could have the band ready to perform an impromptu, acoustic version of The Hedge for our dinner patrons tomorrow evening. I’ll pay you $5000.”

This got my immediate attention. We haven’t been in Chicago long, and we have very few “profile views” here on MySpace, so it surprised me that anyone even knew we were here. Our prominence precedes us, apparently. Since we’ve performed Girth McDürchstein’s ‘The Hedge’ as recently as four months ago, and at one time Riffs and I worked out a slightly modified acoustic version of the show that we’ve played on a number of occasions, and he offered $5000, I agreed that Abysmal would, in fact, have no problem making that engagement, despite the short notice.

I was wrong.

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Written by Girth McDürchstein on December 23, 2005 12:35 PM
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December 24, 2005

Girth McDürchstein’s ‘The Return’

Hey, motherfuckers. Many of our most hardcore fans, none of whom seem to be aware of our new website or MySpace (yet!), are aware that I am currently in the early throes of the creative process in working on my new, 16-song cycle, The Return.

The Return tells the completely fictional story of a rocker who never found the success that he always wanted, so when he learns his high school sweetheart—and former bandmate—is marrying, he returns to his hometown of Cedar Rapids to win her back. He believes his lack of success as a musician is karmic payback for his abandoning her at the altar, so if he has her back, he will find both love and musical inspiration. Of course, nothing seems to go right for him, particularly when the second woman he has left at the altar strolls into town to make his life a living hell.

So far I’ve composed the first song, “The Return,” an exploration of the bittersweet feelings one has when returning to a place that is no longer home, and “Song for Kelly,” which details the tumultuous sexual feelings of someone who has been on the road, alone, for 10 days. Unfortunately, though I have outlined the general thematic and narrative structure of the remaining 14 songs, I find myself unable to capture the emotional core either musically or lyrically. Here are songs of sorrow, jealousy, anger, happiness, regret, and infidelity—am I really not up to the challenge of exploring such weighty feelings?

In the past, many of my songs have had somewhat of a sexual core, but under the surface loomed deeper material. With The Hedge, I broke away from that mold (for the most part—”College Girls” is at times ribald), and I promised myself I would never go back to that. I’m 33 years old, and I’m married, so why am I still thinking about sex? Why does it gently caress the slippery lyrical hole I’ve dug myself? Why can’t I just push it away and whisper, “Not tonight”?

I want to be strong enough to resist, but I fear I may have no choice but to give in, once again, to the yearning dry-thrusts of creativity, to unlace the red leather pants of my poetry.

I just hope you, the fans, aren’t disappointed by my regression and submission.

—Girth

Written by Girth McDürchstein on December 24, 2005 8:58 AM
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The Truth (With RAGE!)

Guys this is Mikey Parker, here to set the record straight. Girth has been saying shit about me both on this blog and I.R.L. so let me take an opportunity to tell you the REAL story behind this band. I’m getting a little bit tired of these FUCKING ASSHOLES shitting all over me, and I’d quit this fucking band full of assholes if I could find a better band to get with.

So here we go with the REAL FACTS about Abysmal Crucifix:

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Written by Mikey Parker on December 24, 2005 12:14 PM
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December 25, 2005

A Very Abysmal Christmas

None of us have any family here, so Girth came up with the brainstorm to decorate the studio with a tree, garland, and pretty, pretty lights for that good Christmas spirit. Then he blasted Brian Wilson’s brand new Christmas album, What I Really Want for Christmas, on the studio PA, while he set up a buffet of various breads, cold cuts, cheeses, fruits, and Christmas cookies.

Girth invited the entire band to come over for a Christmas Day jam session. He knew they’d be reluctant, but they’d all give in. Even Mikey needs this job, so nobody will tell Girth “no.” So they all dawdled in this morning around 11, surprised at the calm Christmas atmosphere Girth had created. Surprised even more, I suspect, at the fact that no instruments were to be found. Anywhere.

Under the tree, Girth had positioned wrapped and labeled gifts for everyone in the band, including me. The first to arrive was Jam Malone, followed soon after by Riffs, and finally, about an hour later, Mikey arrived.

“Okay, everyone,” Girth said, “time to open presents.”

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Written by Girth McDürchstein on December 25, 2005 3:48 PM
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December 29, 2005

Christmas of Lies

I’ll admit it: Girth did get us those cool gifts his wife wrote about. But is he really the selfless, disturbingly wealthy man she has implied he is? The answer, obviously, is no.

I gotta admit I was a bit touched when I first discovered that he not only bought me the coffin case, he had restored a Sears bass to make it identical to the one he destroyed. Is this a selfless act, or an act designed to relieve his guilt?

NEITHER! He only bought me the bass, and Riffs the Slash guitar, and Jam the Moog…so that we can use these new instruments on the new album he wrote. Now, you might say, “Okay, it’s really cool of him to keep in mind the fact that we wanted this shit and incorporate it into the new songs,” but I just don’t see things that way. Call me hard-hearted, but I think it’s selfish.

We spent most of the last two days learning and rehearsing the new songs. They aren’t that bad. This album should be good.

-Mikey

Written by Mikey Parker on December 29, 2005 1:52 PM
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December 30, 2005

Our MySpace songs

It seems illogical to allow anyone on the Internet to download high-quality variable-bitrate MP3s of our entire double-album, The Hedge, while forbidding the download of lower-quality versions of the same exact songs here on MySpace. So we’ve updated the preferences to allow downloading and ranking of our songs. But you’re better off downloading the entire album.

Written by Girth McDürchstein on December 30, 2005 4:18 PM
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December 31, 2005

Mikey’s posting privileges…

…have been revoked. I don’t mean to seem like an asshole, and I’m very democratic in the sense that the band can say whatever they want to me without provoking anything but thoughtful, rational reactions, but if he’s going to use this blog as nothing more than a sounding board for his hatred of me, he shouldn’t be posting here.

I’ve changed the password and won’t tell him what it is. I’m sorry it had to come to this.

—Girth

Written by Girth McDürchstein on December 31, 2005 9:54 PM
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January 1, 2006

Interview in Hardchord Magazine

Carl Davenport, my best friend and former bandmate, has been interviewed in the recent issue of Hardchord Magazine. You can pick it up for free at most indie record stores, or you can read the entire article at our website by clicking this link. You all should read it.

Hope everyone had a happy new year’s celebration. I watched Brian Wilson and his band perform Pet Sounds on PBS. Tremendous. I wept during “Caroline, No.”

—Girth

Written by Girth McDürchstein on January 1, 2006 10:58 PM
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January 5, 2006

RECORDING

HAY CATS WHATS UP

I GOTTA GIVE YOU THE HAPS ON THE CURRENT SHIZZY (THIS IS HOW WE’RE TALKING IN THE STUDIO ITS SO FUNNY WE KEEP CRACKIN UP!)

WE SPENT THE WHOLE WEEK (SO FAR, WE STILL GOT ANOTHER DAY DUH) JUST JAMMIN AND WORKIN SHIT OUT. GIRTH WHROTE THSI WHOLE NEW ALBUM CALLED “THE RETURN,” AND ITS GONNA BE SO FUCKIN AWSOME BECAUSE GIRTH IS SO FUCKIN AWSOME.

SO HERES WHAT ITS ABOUT:

GIRTH LEFT HIS WIFE (SUNG BY MARGO) AT THE ALTER, AND GOES BACK TO HIS EHOMWTOWN IN IOWA, TO FIND HIS OLG GIRLFRIEND, KELLY ROBBINS (SUNG BY ANNA LEXINTON FROM “THE HEDGE” MOEVIE). SHE DOESN’;TWANT HIM SHESA LREADY ENGAGE,S SO HE GOES TO HIS FRIEND CARL (SUNG BY ME NO WAY) FOR HELP TO GET HER BACK. KELLY’S GONNA MERRY WALTER (JAM OR GIRTH WILL SING IT), AND NOW GIRTH WANTS TO SOTP IT, SO HE WRITES A SONG TO STOP IT, AND HE FUCKS UP AND SHE GOES TO MERRY HIM BUT THEN CHANGES HER MIND AT THE LAST MINUTE BUT NOW ITS TOO LATE CUZ GIRTH IS GONE BACK TO LA WITH HIS WIFE MARGO. OH MAN ITS A SAD END BUT ITS SO FUCKEN AWSOME

ALL THE MUSIC AND SHIT SI SO GOOD. WE’VE BEEN REHEARSIN AND JAMMIN ON SOLOS AND SHIT, JUST FIGURIN THE ARR AND STUFF.

FOR REAL, THIS IS THE BEST ALBUM EVER

LITTLE RIFFS NICKY ^_^

Written by LITTLE RIFFS NICKY on January 5, 2006 3:57 PM
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January 14, 2006

The Process

I plan to spend this long weekend, the first time off I’ve had since the new year, relaxing in a home I’ve rented in nearby Lake Bluff. Before I try to forget about my grueling past two weeks, I thought I’d take a moment to share with you, fans of Abysmal Crucifix and readers of this blog, the typical process by which we record our albums.

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Written by Jam Malone on January 14, 2006 11:52 AM
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January 15, 2006

Response to Carl Davenport, Sharon Rexsmith, and Hardchord Magazine

(This post will refer extensively to an article in Hardchord Magazine that we posted on our website. Click here to read it.)

Well, it’s been a few weeks, and I’ve finally gotten around to reading Carl’s interview with Hardchord Magazine. I’ll tell you right now—I was not pleased.

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Written by Girth McDürchstein on January 15, 2006 11:45 PM
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January 21, 2006

Promoting Our Website

Look, we’re in an unfamiliar city. We don’t have a “street team” here, and at this time we don’t really need one. We’re not playing out at all, though we do have something special TBA to celebrate the upcoming anniversary of The Hedge; more on that soon.

But it has come to our attention that our official website has garnered very few hits since we launched it over a month ago. Come on, folks, this is our official site, not a half-assed MySpace filled with terrible web design and awful-quality streaming. This website takes a comprehensive look at everything: our extensive discography, band history, every recent review I could find, a detailed list and explanation of all the gear we used on The Hedge…

But perhaps most importantly, we have allowed you, the fans, the friends, the everyone, to glimpse at the Hedge project with unparalleled detail. Here we have an explanation of the genesis of the story (with downloads!), the complete lyrics, and—best of all—the entire double album available for download as high-quality, variable-bit MP3s. That’s right—24 songs spanning two CDs, plus the Japanese release featuring a subtly difference mix and two bonus tracks, and we’re just giving it away. And we have more in the works, including a complete, annotated events calendar detailing every single concert we’ve performed from 1995 until now.

So everybody—visit our website, and get stoked on Abysmal so that you—not us!—will rock the house at our shows promoting Girth McDürchstein’s ‘The Return’ (tentatively slated for an April release).

We hope to see some hits on our counter, so everybody give us a visit and a listen. You won’t regret it.

—Girth

Written by Girth McDürchstein on January 21, 2006 2:12 PM
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January 29, 2006

Recording: Week in Review

Wow, has it really been over a week since our last post?

Over the past few weeks, we’ve been working on the basic tracking for our latest album, Girth McDürchstein’s ‘The Return.’ The process of Girth showing us his songs and us hashing out the arrangements, a task already imbued with impossibilities, seemed all the more difficult with this album. As it’s of a more personal nature to Girth, he finds himself refusing to budge on many of his song ideas, fragmentary though they may be.

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Written by Jam Malone on January 29, 2006 2:17 PM
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February 1, 2006

WE NEED YOUR HELP!!

In his last blog entry, our keyboard player, Jam Malone, wrote, “For example, a song near the end entitled ‘Willie’s Swan Song,’ a nice ballad about the internal struggles and motivations of ‘Kelly Robbins”s disgraced fiancé, has one of the most bizarre bridge sections I’ve encountered in western music. Bear in mind, I have a Masters in music composition and arranging, so I’m pretty sure I have some idea of that which I write. There’s an irrational tritonic key change (from E major to Bb major), which at the end of the bridge resolves to B-minor. The most polite word to describe these changes, and the structure of this section of the song, is ‘ugly.’”

You know what, Jam? I said it to you in the studio, and here I’m going to write it out for all the fans to read: FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!! I think this is one of the best songs on the album, and I think it’s perfect the way it is.

But you know what? We’re here for you guys, the fans. That’s why we’re on MySpace; that’s why we made our website—so we’d have a way to interact directly with you.

So I’m leaving it to you guys: Click here to download a very rough demo version of “Willie’s Swan Song” and give it a listen. I’d recommend listening to the whole thing, to get the groove on, but the “ugly” bridge that Jam mentioned starts at 2:22.

WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!! How do the key changes sound to you? How does the song as a whole sound to you? Should we keep it as-is, or should I heed one of Jam’s suggestions on how to make it “good”?

Write a comment, send an email—whatever, we just want to hear from you. Recording has stalled as we argue about it.

Thanks,
Girth

Written by Girth McDürchstein on February 1, 2006 9:24 AM
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February 19, 2006

Personal/Personnel Changes

Let’s look at a week in the life, shall we? Or five days, more like.

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Written by Girth McDürchstein on February 19, 2006 7:37 AM
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February 22, 2006

Home, Sweet Home

Monday night, Carl and I stayed in a California bordertown called Blythe. It’s a nice little town; I’ve stayed there on many occasions after cross-country trips. We got up bright and early on Tuesday morning to make the last leg of our trek. The ride was familiar, as often on trips or tours we end up taking I-10 back to L.A. Around Palm Springs, the Interstate widens and the traffic starts to build and build, and before you know it you’re suddenly in the metro area. The L.A. area’s unfortunate suburban-like sprawl allows the city to just creep up on you, and before you know it you’re hitting that bizarre 10-110-5-101 mess, and you know you’re home.

In addition to the apartment Margo and I share in Studio City, I have a small loft/workspace near Miracle Mile, so Carl and I headed there first with what little necessities we had. Carlos should be here by Friday with the rest of our shit, and then it’s back to the old Paint Shaker in Hollywood to resume recording. We’ll do that by day, and in the evening’s we’ll hit the club scene and try to scout for potential new players. If we can’t find anyone, we’ll post flyers for auditions.

I have a strange, wonderful feeling about this, the second rebirth of Abysmal Crucifix. I can’t tell you how excited I am about it.

For now, we’re just going to relax and settle in. Carl hasn’t spent much time in L.A., so I’m going to take him around a bit, show him my old haunts, the sites of all those bizarre celebrity murders, suicides, and drug overdoses—touristy stuff, but fun. Then we’re gonna hit up the House of Pies and eat them out of pie-house and home. It’s gonna be fuckin’ awesome!

Written by Girth McDürchstein on February 22, 2006 2:16 PM
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March 12, 2006

Busy as Hell

Man, has it really been almost three weeks since I last posted? Shit, time flies.

Me and Carl have been laying down these tracks like muthafuckin’ mad bombers. Just every fucking thing. I mean, Carl’s okay—he learned how to play bass and a little bit of guitar, so we’re just attacking everything and having a lot of fun. It’s just like the old days, and I gotta say—the tracks we’re cutting sound 10 times better than anything I cut with the old band, those motherfuckers.

We’re recording at the studio I’ve used for a long time with Carlos Ueberschaer: the Paint Shaker, right in Hollywood. It’s a pretty kick-ass place to record shit, and Carlos pretty much owns it, so we have the run of the place when we’re recording. It’s a sweet deal.

So Carl and I record shit all day long, then in the evenings we hit the fuckin’ Strip, or sometimes we go way the fuck out to Santa Monica or into the Valley. Last week, we went to a fuckin’ surf thing on the beach. It kicked some major ass.

I really just wanted to check in with you all—the fans!—because we haven’t been on MySpace much lately. We got some cool stuff coming to our site, including a full (that’s right, way back to ‘92!) tour history, so keep your eyes peeled to our website for that shit.

In the meantime, rock on!

Written by Girth McDürchstein on March 12, 2006 4:03 PM
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March 16, 2006

The Ides of March

I stared down at the concrete floor, the fingers of my left hand flailing wildly, my right hand picking with an intensity I can rarely match. Sweat poured from my long, jet-black hair as I listened to the rhythm track on the phones. Plowing myself through a universe of musical possibilities that are simultaneously limitless and constricting, I seared through the solo on a track from the middle of our new album, The Return, entitled, “You Taste Like Lighter Fluid.”

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Written by Girth McDürchstein on March 16, 2006 10:19 AM
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March 28, 2006

Still Workin’

Leading a band is rough, man, even when the only members are your best friend and your wife. But we’ll keep on keepin’ on. Here’s a short update before I’m back to work:

  • We’re chugging along on rerecording the album from scratch. We’re recording it in sequence, and we’re almost to the end, laying down the basic tracks. Then it’s vocals and overdubs. Then we mix and master, and deliver it to you!
  • We’re prepping a short tour that’ll happen immediately after the album’s out. We just don’t know when or how long it’ll be.
  • Last week, Carl caught the flu. That’s put us a little behind, but he’s well again.
  • I, personally, have spent the past few weeks fending off former bandmates. I have the horrible feeling they’ll invade MySpace soon enough.
Sorry I haven’t responded to many e-mails. I’ll get to responding soon!

—Girth

Written by Girth McDürchstein on March 28, 2006 3:30 PM
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April 17, 2006

New Demo!

Last night we were kicking some fucking ass. We got a brand new recording of “Willie’s Swan Song,” and I gotta say, it sounds 10 times fucking better than it ever did with our old, shitty band. Check it out:

Original Band

New Band

How much better does the new shit sound? A million fucking times, that’s how much!

We intend to finish up Girth McDürchstein’s ‘The Return’ over the next couple of weeks.

Written by Girth McDürchstein on April 17, 2006 1:08 PM
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May 15, 2006

New Album, “The Return,” Finally Complete!

Fans,

Friday afternoon, while putting the finishing touches on arguably the most complex song on our new album, Girth McDürchstein’s ‘The Return’, I announced to my longtime colleague, Carlos Ueberschaer, “This isn’t right.”

It wasn’t. Somewhere along the lines, maybe during the personnel changes, maybe during the writing or even the conception of the album, it got away from me. I thought I was doing what was best, not just for myself musically or for the band, but for you all—the fans. As it turns out, the record is just one steaming pile of animal dung. No amount of tweaking the mix, praying for a mastering miracle, or rerecording will save it.

I don’t know how it happened. I tried to do well. Our first album in four years ought to be something special, right? But it’s done. It’s finished, but I’ll never release it. Ever.

We’re taking some time off, perhaps playing out a bit, and we’ll ease back into writing songs. Perhaps it’s time to reevaluate my style. I think I may be burned out. I think it’s time to collaborate with my bandmates. It’ll be easier now, since they’re my best friend and my wife. And we’ll write better songs, like in the glory days.

New performances will be announced over the next few weeks.

Your biggest fan,

Written by Girth McDürchstein on May 15, 2006 3:19 PM
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October 27, 2007

Soaked in the Rain

“It’s boring and repetitive,” Mikey said defiantly, setting his bass down on its stand as he crossed the room toward me.

“It’s revolutionary,” I countered. “Nothing like this has ever been done in the history of music—a metalcore hip-hopera using variations on the same chord progression over and over and over, telling a story with so many twists, turns, and cliffhangers it’s nearly impossible to believe.”

Mikey arched his eyebrows. “Nearly?”

Read More of "Soaked in the Rain" »

Written by Girth McDürchstein on October 27, 2007 9:31 AM
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October 29, 2007

PRESS RELEASE: Girth McDürchstein’s ‘The Return’ Abandoned. Again.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Lacey’s Relations
1142 Wilshire Blvd.
Suite 600
Los Angeles, CA 90017

METAL ICON CANCELS HIGHLY ANTICIPATED ALBUM

LOS ANGELES, October 29, 2007 — Abysmal Crucifix frontman Girth McDürchstein announced in a press conference Monday that he has canceled the November release of Girth McDürchstein’s ‘The Return’, the long-awaited follow-up to 2002’s critically acclaimed double-album Girth McDürchstein’s ‘The Hedge’.

Plagued with production and personnel problems from the start, McDürchstein recorded two versions of a metal album before rewriting it in late 2006 as a unique “hip-hopera,” which allowed increased emphasis on the story and lyrics over the music. Like The Hedge before it, Girth McDürchstein’s ‘The Return’ told an album-length story as part of a “concept album” (a term McDürchstein coined in 2000 when he began work on The Hedge).

The Return featured a fictionalized version of McDürchstein himself returning to his hometown of Cedar Rapids, Iowa, when he learns of the impending nuptials of his estranged high school sweetheart. From this small story, McDürchstein spun a tale of heroes and villains, warlocks and wizardry, love and pain, culminating in an epic struggle between good and evil and tranny meth-dealing fast-food employees. Would McDürchstein come out on top? The world will never know.

At the same press conference, McDürchstein announced a January release date for a live album culled from the band’s recent Splitcock Tour of Scandinavia and Japan. When asked what the band plans to do after the live album’s release, McDürchstein suggested another tour, perhaps, before returning to the studio for an album of brand new, non-epic material.

“For now, though, I’d like to just concentrate on spending time with my family,” said McDürchstein. “I’ll be staying home with my beautiful wife, Margo, and my even more beautiful daughter, Renal Rojas. It’ll be quite a time, believe me.”

Who wouldn’t?

###

Press Contact:
Lacey Greenwood
818.655.5000
laceygstring@girthmcdurchstein.com

Written by Lacey Greenwood on October 29, 2007 2:34 PM
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November 11, 2007

Girth McDürchstein’s ‘The Return’ – Leaked!

Somebody leaked the unfinished edit of Girth McDürchstein’s ‘The Return’, and “livid” doesn’t even begin to describe my state of mind. It popped up on Tommy Janofsky’s bullshit defamation site last week, but I didn’t find out about it until just now. At first I got really mad at Tommy for releasing my unfinished shit again, but then I realized it wasn’t his fault—he didn’t leak the shit. He just posted it on a website, and in his defense, he posted it for free rather than selling it.

So now the cards are on the table. Who could have possibly stolen it? Other than the band, the only person with access to the particular stolen tape is our longtime engineer Carlos Ueberschaer, but he’d never do something so insane or stupid. I guess there’s Renal, but she’s my daughter. She’d never hurt me like that.

That leaves me with one guess: Jason Fields, the intern who went back to school on bad terms with the band. Bad enough to hold a grudge and sell illegal bootlegs? I’ll say!

How could he have gained access to the Paint Shaker so long after returning to school, you ask? Obviously he made duplicates of my keys at a time when I had more important things or people to do, then snuck in late one night to steal our tapes. He probably needed the extra money for drugs or textbooks or something.

Since the cat’s out of the bag now, I suppose I should acknowledge that yes, I had some trouble with the lyrics (though not nearly as much as Tommy insinuates). More than anything, I had trouble timing the lyrics to the music I painstakingly recorded. I had a lot to say and so little time in which to say it. I thought about making it a double album, but the deal Herc Feinstein made with our new Japanese distributor explicitly states no double albums.

You should at least check out the acoustic renditions of “Put It Where It Doesn’t Belong” and “The Love Song of Gregor Samsa.” They are as brilliant and well-crafted as anything else we’ve recorded.

Written by Girth McDürchstein on November 11, 2007 4:30 PM
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